Dean’s List: How to Cheat during Exams

I’m a cheater. I couldn’t have passed college (and high school, and grade school, and kindergarten) had not I cheated every exam. Yes, you heard me right… EVERY EXAM.

 

 

As I like to think I’m a fairly changed man now (I like to think so). I try to avoid cheating (if my wife catches me cheating, she’ll buy me a one way ticket to the afterlife). But for those struggling students (like me), here are “Dean’s awesome cheat list!

Yes, I’m disgusting.

 

The Sickly Method

During an exam, sit at the back and pretend to be sick: cough, sneeze, blow your nose, basically do anything to give you an excuse to get up and ask your teacher if you can go to the restroom (or any other excuse for that matter). But while you’re walking up there, sneak a peek at your classmates’ test paper.

Or better yet, wait for a few people to finish and go directly to the teacher’s desk and sneak a peek at the tests people already handed in!

 

The cheat sheet 

There is always the age old method of using a cheat sheet (Codigo). To do this you need to take an tiny piece of paper, say smaller than a 3×5 index card and jam every piece of information that you think will come in handy on it. Bring it to the exam, and keep it hidden either with the exam papers or in the palm of your hand.

 

A very effective way to conceal a crib sheet is to wrap your wrist with some gauze or bandage. You can write on the bandage or slip a cheat note in there. Tell your professor, you slashed your wrist the night before because of too much stress from his exam… make up something good.

 

Another good way to cheat is to hide cheat notes inside the casings of a pen that unscrews.

And another super effective way is to buy a clear bottle of your favorite beverage (Mountain Dew, Coke, Sprite, etc.) and carefully peel off the label wrapped around it. Then tape a big crib sheet (or whatever) around the outside and then glue the label back. As you drink your beverage down, you get your answers.

 

Doublemint!

Here’s a modification to the cheat note method. Everyone likes to chew gum, and depending on the teacher, most will let you chew it in class. So before the test write all the information you think you will need, and even some you don’t need, on the inside of your gums wrappers. When you get stuck reach for a piece of gum, chew and cheat away. No one will ever think that Wrigley’s gum is a cheat sheet.

 

The all-knowing TI-82

This method only works for math tests in which a calculator is needed. Make sure to borrow a friends TI-82, or some other nice expensive graphing calculator if you don’t own one. With this little gadget you can type in formulas, notes, even examples with step-by-step instructions.

If you think you’ll get caught, don’t worry you won’t. This method is fool-proof. Your teacher may know about possible cheating like this, but refuse to let him reset your calculator. This would erase all the contents of the calculator, instead argue that you have your life’s work is stored in it, and that it contains the launch codes for your nuclear-missile arsenal (Just make up something good).

 

The hat trick

A very easy way to cheat on exams is to wear a baseball cap (my college let me wear caps). With your eyes concealed from a surveying teacher’s view, you can glance over to the exam of the person next to you.

The good old “wandering eyes method,” but without the worries of the instructor saying “Keep your eyes on your own paper.”

 

Or use the Stress Relief Method.

Massage your forehead as if you’re stressed out. Remember, professors have a secret joy when they see their students stressed out. For them, it means they did their job right  (evil).

As your hand is in your forehead, it blocks the teacher from seeing your line of sight, then ala-kazaam! Roam your eyes wherever you please.

 

The buddy system

This works best with the hat trick and the stress relief method. This is an old method that’s still undetectable. Sit next to a friend who knows what is going on in class, or pay some stranger off, and take the test next to this person. When they finish, which will be way before you because you haven’t got a clue as to what the hell’s going on. Have them sit back and hold their exam up so you have full view of their answers. Copy away!

Yes, some students accept payments to let you cheat off them. I know, right?

And if you’re the studious type, you can earn a lot of money with this. Yey!

 

Desk notes

Very simple and to the point. There is one sure fire way to cheat on an exam, and that is to write on the desk. This is best used for math/science exams or some multiple choice. When the instructor is still not ready to start the exam, and you are still allowed to have books out, write a few quick notes on the desk. If the instructor comes by during the exam just push your papers over it, and when its all over just rub it off with your hand to destroy the evidence.

 

Grab-bag method

Make sure to bring all of your notes to the exam. Get there early at least in time to have a lot of seats to choose from to sit in. Get your notes out and place your backpack on the floor by your feet. When the instructor calls for everyone to put their notes in their bags, be sure to place yours so that you can see your notes from taking the test. Pull the sides of your bag up so that it makes a protective wall around your notes so no one can see your notes but you. When a teacher closes in, kick your backpack’s lid up to hide your notes.

 

The Ultimate Coke Bottle!

This is too good for words, I’ll let the picture do the worth a thousand words thingy.

 

The oldest trick in the book (or the hand)

The good ole’ writing in your palms trick! Easily caught, but legendary enough to pay homage to.


The Word of Mouth

And let’s not forget about the easiest method of all, to just talk to your classmates outside of the exam. If there are two classes for the same course, ask the people in the other class what is on the test. This has worked very well in high school, but I’m not sure if it would be any good in university. Well it does work, but you might need to pay. :(

 

So there you are, Dean’s disgusting guide to cheating. :D

 

 

Dean Castro

About Dean Castro

A depressed call center agent by day, happy writer by night. Who knew?

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  • Anonymous

    LOL. If only I knew these years ago!

    • Dean

      Lol :D