Forget Her…Forget Her Not

To love and be loved is one of the sweetest and fulfilling emotion one could have. It creates a perfect scenario in your life, wanting and wishing a moment would never end. Like a story that continues on and on and on. Like a waterfall flowing endlessly.

But then we live in an imperfect world, where struggle is definite and pain is present whether we want it or not. And happiness walks hand in hand with sorrow. Like most of you who has his/her own story, mine may not be too different from yours.

 

 

I had loved and been loved, too. Anybody who had this privilege would surely say, it’s a feeling beyond bliss, a glorious walk on cloud 9 or a stroll under a rainbow. The thought that it’s going to be endless was a resident in my mind, the feeling of forever was a constant happy emotion.

 

It was all possible during the first few years. Then things started to change. Or was it only me? Doubts resided in my heart as questions formed in my mind. Am I her happiness or had I become her pain? It was hard as heart-talks became scarce and silence became more frequent. Pride had come between. Happiness was far. No one moved to make amends.

Love is painfully dying. I had to let go. Not because I ceased to love her; but because I found neither strength nor reason to fight for it, for her. I had caused her more sadness than laughter, more sorrows than happiness. My hands were slipping from her hold though I wanted her to grip it tight. Was her love not strong enough to try to hold me back? Or has her heart gone cold for me? No words, just tears.

Until…she finally let go.

 

Pain had come indeed. So strong. So shockingly strong. I thought I was ready for it — an illusion I created. I could never be ready for such –to lose her, to let her go. But I had and she did, too. Now, I understand when they say, “heart crushed by a thousand pounds” or “heart broken into millions of pieces and more.” It was pain incomparable.

I decided to forget her. I tried to for a long time thinking it’s the healing I need. Only, the more I struggled the more the memories stuck. Oh, my blissful torture! I simply couldn’t let go. I don’t want to. Feigning amnesia didn’t work either. It only made me remember what I gave up and lost. But I have to move on lest I couldn’t find myself anymore.

 

Then, I woke up one day asking myself: Should I really forget her and what we had? Wouldn’t doing so mean I’ll also forget the happiest days of my life? To throw away the memories I treasured and the lessons I learned? Surely, that’s not the message of pain or the reason she came into my life.

 

 

Once again after many seasons,  I decided to forget her not. I embraced her part in my life, our memories, our joys and our tears. How the many good years of being together have enriched my life, my being, my soul! In spite of the pains I went through, and probably she, too, it was all worth it. That once upon a time, I had the privilege to love her and be loved by her.

Forget her? I’d rather not.

Forget her not…and at last, I have learned to let go.

 

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