In an Elevator with a Girl and a Maltese

This is a story on how I once stooped so low and weaseled my way just to meet a girl.



I just moved to a new apartment. New place… new life, new routine. I woke up early, visited the new gym and pool. But I never really was in “exercising mode,” so I headed back to my room instead.


I got in the elevator. But as the elevator door was about to close, a hot girl came in. She was sweating! She was moist, wet — hot! Complete with earphones and a tight outfit — yeah, I can tell she was jogging.

I was busy checking her out, and I couldn’t help but notice, she was carrying something with her. She was carrying some kind of a “pet bag.” And it had a dog in it… a peculiar dog. I like dogs, but I’m terrible with women. Getting rejected a bunch of times by women wasn’t really a confidence boosting thingy. I tried to strike a conversation, but yeah, I froze, as usual.


kinda like this one.


One thing I am though, I’m great with photoshop. I noted her routine, it was 8:47am when she went up the elevator and her dog was a Maltese. I googled the most adorable Maltese I could find, I photoshopped a picture of me with the Maltese, and I put “RIP Abbie.”

(Abbie is the name of my ex, good choice of name.)


8:47am, like clockwork, I got in the elevator with her. I put on the saddest face and said, “I had a Maltese once…”

Sorry?” She curiously inquired.

I said, I had a Maltese once. She was my savior…”

Was?” She said again. This time she was REALLY curious.

I was in a bad state, I was depressed. I was thinking about suicide when my psychiatrist advised me to get a companion. I went to the adoption center and found the cutest Maltese ever. She became my friend, my companion. She taught me how to live on, despite everything. She saved my life.”

Really? Where is she now?”

Gasp! (Took the photoshopped picture from my wallet) Rest in peace, Abbie.”

“Oh! How sad!”

“Gasp! 10 years! 10 loving years! I don’t know what to do now. Your Maltese… she really reminded me of her…”




Okay, enough.

Did I really need to go through all the bullshit just to talk to her? Yes! And it worked! We had dinner that weekend, we had fun. I thought I was gonna get lucky…

Then her boyfriend came back from a business trip… but that’s another story.


About Dave

You've been had. You've been blind. You've been asleep. You've been bound. You are a prisoner. Now wake up! Smell freedom! Engulf yourself in the beauty of nature! Be free! For the first time, stop listening to others and DO WHAT YOU WANT! Be free, my friend. Soar and be free.

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  • april

    hahaha…epic fail!