Save Me, Oh Holy One, Save Me.

Here I am, crucified on a cross. I’m dying a slow and miserable death. My spirit ebbs out of my flesh. My bones are broken –marrows washing out.

 

 

Head spinning. Sickness is real. Disease is real. I’m deteriorating, I’m decaying. And it’s all my fault. Holy one, I’m undergoing decay at a rapid rate. I put myself on that fucking cross… and I thought it was for my own good.

I thought I was doing what I was suppose do… in life. I thought they were right. I believed them. I believed each and everyone of them. Them! Whom I thought knew better. Them! Who deceived me. They knew nothing after all. And I believed them.

They were all wrong. I should’ve lived life on my own. I should have listened to myself. Myself and only myself. I can only trust myself.

 

People told me I should do good in school, get a good job. Work 50 years to get a good retirement. No! That is fucking crucifixion!

Start school at four — 16 years of ghastly school. Then 45 years of deathly work. By retirement, we won’t be able to do much. We are walking, decaying flesh at 65 — we are dead!

 

And I listened to them. They knew nothing. They are dying, and they want me to die with them.

I will do things my way. I will soar the skies and snatch my dreams. “It” thinks it can get away from me. I will snatch it, then eat it, devour it like a beast — until it becomes one with me. I become one with my dream.

 

————

My decaying mind can’t properly examine my condition. I have failed time and time again. I am a being of failures and hidden regrets. My life has been a sham, a circus, a fake. A fake life of veiled sickness.

Fuck me. FUCK. I’m all broken up, yet again. I’m washed up on the same shore. My condition never changes. But each time I’m rebuilt, I’m a little more flawed. A little more incomplete… A little more disturbed. Oh so disturbed.

But I will never give up.

Oh please… Holy one, save me. Please don’t let this be a sickness to the death.

Dave

About Dave

You've been had. You've been blind. You've been asleep. You've been bound. You are a prisoner. Now wake up! Smell freedom! Engulf yourself in the beauty of nature! Be free! For the first time, stop listening to others and DO WHAT YOU WANT! Be free, my friend. Soar and be free.

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