The 8 Stages of Staying Up All Night

We all pull out an all-nighter from time to time. Whether be it from an overtime at work, college thesis — or that one-foot-tall-crying-machine, we all call our bundles of joy – keeping us awake at night.



I’m an expert at staying up all night. I’m a night owl. My family calls me a ‘vampire.’

I hate the sun. I hate daytime. I hate the hustles and bustles of daily life. I like it when ‘the day is over.’ When the sun sets, when I’m all alone– it seemed like the world belongs to me. No more people walking the streets, no more chit-chats and random small-talks, no more consciousness… everybody’s quiet and asleep.


Then I crawl out of my coffin, I yawn, I stretch — then I smile… for a perfect day is about to begin… (or night).

I grab some cereals, and start my day– (or night).


But all this ‘night skill’ didn’t happen by accident, it all started through college, and had been perfected there.

So here it is, the 8 stages of staying up all night.


Aaahh, college. Your grumpy professor whom you could swear, is out to get you — assigns you a hard-ass thesis paper. Of course, he gave you months to prepare.

But is he for real? Does he really think we’re gonna do it that early? Of course not! We’re gonna do it on the very last day!

Then the deadline comes. We cram and procrastinate like there’s no tomorrow. In which, by the way,  there is a tomorrow… Which is the deadline! — Which is tomorrow!

So what do we do?

We pull an all-nighter in hopes to finish this damn thesis!


1. Conditioning.

This is the first stage of an all-nighter. So you look at yourself in the mirror to condition yourself. Pointing at your reflection, you say “you can do this… you can do this… you can do this…”



Do that for half an hour, then you’re ready.


2. Preparation.

You prepare all the necessities. Books, papers, pens — and the most awesome bunch of liquids in the world– coffee and energy drinks.



You set them in your study desk. All set, all ready.


3. Warm up.

You’ve got all night, right? So what’s the rush?

You open the Internet browser, surf a few interesting news and articles, browse Facebook — then open a quick online game.


Yeah…a “quick” online game.


4. Altered reality.

You lose all sense of time and reality.

This damn nerd from some other country is beating your ass in an online game, and this hot college chick finally chatted with you in Facebook.


I get distracted easily… it’s my weakness.


So are you just gonna let it go? No! You “kill” that nerd and you chat with that chick! Yeah!


5. Realization.

You actually wasted eight hours and a few good cups of coffee and energy drinks. And that hot chick still didn’t want to go out with you.



Crap. You bang your head on the desk.


6. Concentration.

You close all the browser tabs, close all the games and Facebook pages — you start to get “real” work done.



This time, it’s serious. Yeah. Serious.


7. Panic mode.

You realize you’ve used up all your creativity and brain energy on useless surfing, chatting and gaming.

Crap! Crap! You literally only have ‘two hours’ to complete this whole freaking thesis! You’re screwed now.



No time to spell check, just double space and never look back.


8. Reality.

You pass your paper on time. Your eye-bags are as big as your professor’s ass, but you still manage to pass it on time. That’s good, right?



Nope. After a five minute check, your professor quickly identifies it as crap (which it is), and throws it in the trash.


9. Acceptance.

You screwed up, and you know it. And your douche of a professor wants you to revise it and submit a “real” thesis due tomorrow.


You sit in the corner-most part of the classroom, head throbbing, tears about to fall, about to black out — when reality sinks in, you have to do it all over again tonight.



Your turn!

I know you got lots of college stories. Tell us some of them!



About Dave

You've been had. You've been blind. You've been asleep. You've been bound. You are a prisoner. Now wake up! Smell freedom! Engulf yourself in the beauty of nature! Be free! For the first time, stop listening to others and DO WHAT YOU WANT! Be free, my friend. Soar and be free.

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  • Ace

    thats exactly how i did in creative juices just werent flowing until the very last minute…i was late for class but i got the work turned in..i got lucky a few times where the teacher didnt classify it as trash…but twice it did…they were the ones that really mattered and accepting the bad grades is veeery hard when ur tired!

    • Jenny

      Lol. Me too!