The Journal Entry
|June 5, 2012||Posted by the color scheme under Stories, Thoughts|
Last day of May, 2012
Somewhere in the vast sea, on a fastcraft boat
A year ago, I was so excited to get out of my parent’s house and out of the province that I used to have grown accustomed of to attend college. My highschool years were behind me and it was time to start a new chapter of my life. I still remember how excited I was to experience new things, visit new places and meet new people. I had so many plans for myself and for a moment there, I thought that I was so sure of my future.
I indeed got my request. My parents permitted to go out of the province to study. I survived the whole year without my mom and dad, although I have my sister with me since we live together. I survived the new environment – the noisy streets of the city, the pollution, the despicable taste of ready to eat foods, the instant noodles overload, EVERYTHING. I went through these just fine, although there were instances that I almost died. To put into conclusion, my first time away from home went fine.
It came a time when I had to come home for the summer break. I have packed several times before, to go home and visit. But this time it’s different. I’m going to stay for a very long time and I’m going to stay out of the new environment that I was starting to get used to for a bit. But that didn’t worry me. I know a lot of people back home.
My stay was just like any vacation but during those days, I felt a mixture of emotions. Sadness, because I felt that I have become an official outsider of the place that I grew up in. Happiness, because I once again felt what it is like to be home – delicious food, complete family, comfortable room, friends with open hugs and sweet kisses, reunions relatives, well you get what I mean. Emptiness, because of the inevitable fact that in a couple of days, the happy moments will end. Loneliness, because the days are becoming shorter and shorter as if it wants to deport me immediately and doesn’t want to stretch the happy days longer.
As I have said, I have packed a couple of times before to travel, but this kind of packing that I’m doing now is different. I’m packing my things to leave again. As I am doing this, the memories from my happy days have made its way to my head which brought about an ugly reaction in my tummy. I hate when I have this kind of feeling. It’s like having butterflies in your stomach but of the different kind.
Then as if on cue, I’m starting to have regrets. What if I didn’t leave home in the first place? What if I had stayed and studied here in my province? What if? The movies are really right. These two words, if put together, can give you an awful amount of headache.
Then again, I realized, if I haven’t left, I probably would’ve never experienced the things that I experienced when I was away. I would’ve never met the friends who threw me a surprise birthday party and who, at one point, were ready to die with me in the verge of being stuck in an earthquake. I would’ve never learned the things that I have. I realized, stepping out of your sanctuary has pro’s and con’s just like everything in this world.
Although I am filled with great remorse and sadness right now, it doesn’t stop me from learning. I am packed and there’s no turning back. But hey, it isn’t as if I’m not coming back home again, right? Home is still the best place to be whoever you are. For me, no matter how many miles separates me from my home, I’ll forever run, even if I fumble from doing so, towards it.
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