Top 5 Gifts for Your Husband.

Still wondering what gift to buy your man?

 

I'm not saying that 3D LED TV is the best gift for men... just layin' it out there.

 

Well, wonder no more! Since you get first hand inside information on what men want.

Since I’m a man.

 

Wait!

Checking . . . . .

 

Yep. I’m a man. Definitely.

Moving on.

 

Here are the Top 5 Christmas Gifts for men.

 

1. Not-so-cheap-Alcohol.

Hey, we have to put up with your nagging, right? Kidding! Kidding!


But seriously, the not-so-cheap ones, okay?

We might not look it, but we do get tired of the same ole’ cheap beer/whiskey. Well, until we start chugging it down and act as if cheap beer is the love of our lives… Yep, you heard me right. At the height of our “gentleman-ness” (you ladies might call, drunkness), we love beer more than you.

Sorry. Sorry.

But don’t worry! We forget everything we did last night — and come morning, we’ll be your good ole slaves… Ahem — I mean husbands again. :)

 

So a little more pricey-than-usual wine or whiskey is good for Christmas.

 

2. Video Games and/or Accessories.

Screw maturity! It's overrated. Long live video games!

Men grow old. But that doesn’t mean they mature.

Everybody grows old, but not everybody matures. Especially men. It takes a lifetime for them to mature. Right, ladies?

Give a bunch of guys a few cases of beers, and they act like eight year olds again. And women clean up after them. Sorry gals… we don’t mean to, but we can turn back into kids in just a snap. Like a light bulb switch. Bam! We’re kids again.

 

Case point: When guys uncover and old pinball machine, or a toy helicopter, or an old arcade game in the storage or garage, or somewhere — you bet your ass time will fly as they’ll act like a bunch of kids playing with their, uhhh… real kids.

 

3. Tools.

Yeah, we just love having tools everywhere. props: leenks

We men are natural fixers. We fix anything! At least we like to. Then we give up when things get tough — and call for help.

But we love fixing things! Our hands get itchy when something’s not fixed. We dabble on it, then fix it. Then relish in the glory of our greatness when it gets fixed. There’s a certain joy and glory in men when they fix things — did you know that?

Or… if we don’t fix it — we dub that thing “unfixable” and trash it (to protect our pride). For as, if we (the great fixer) can’t fix it… then no one can!

 

4. Rock Concert Tickets.

Our secret wish is to become a rock star. Doesn't everybody?

During the holidays, all kinds of bands (especially rockbands), get busy putting on badass shows. So surprise your hubbies. Surprise him with a rock concert ticket and he’ll be your slave for a month.

Which I’m pretty sure he’ll be right back into his lazy old self after the concert. Don’t worry, he still loves you.

Note: By buying him concert tickets, this is also a consensual understanding that you give permission to let him out with his friends — for a whole night.

Not some crappy Cinderella “be back by 12 crap” — but a whole damn night!

 

5. And the best present is… (drumroll) Tah-dah-dat-tah-dah!! – for you to lose weight. Wait! What?!? Kidding! Kidding!

The best present is… A whole holiday season without the mom-in-law — kidding! kidding again.

Seriously, the best present is… A whole month without nagging. Again, I’m kidding.

 

Very serious this time. The best present for your hubby is… You.

Surprised? Don’t be. We love you. We married you for a reason. Not because we got trapped or anything (kidding again). We love you, you’re our wife.

Seriously.

 

And a massage wouldn’t hurt.

Wait! I take it back. The best present for Christmas is… a massage.

So get to it ladies. Practice that massaging skills of yours. All that nagging made our backs hurt. We need it softened from time to time.

 

Happy holidays, everybody!

 

Did I miss anything? Put it in the comments section.

And pardon the late posting. I was drunk when I wrote this. I forgot to hit the submit button. Geez.

 

 

Dave

About Dave

You've been had. You've been blind. You've been asleep. You've been bound. You are a prisoner. Now wake up! Smell freedom! Engulf yourself in the beauty of nature! Be free! For the first time, stop listening to others and DO WHAT YOU WANT! Be free, my friend. Soar and be free.

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