What to Do if Your Friend is Dating a Loser
|July 12, 2012||Posted by Denise under How to, Life, Real Life, Relationships|
You’re phone rings. It’s your bestfriend, and she is ecstatic about someone she met at a bar last night. She tells you every single juicy detail about the guy… for whom she seems to have fallen with, within a few hours and a few drinks.
Sometimes it can be dismissed as a one-night stand… But other times, hours turn into days, then into weeks… or worse, months.
Finally, you meet this so-called Mr. perfect. And you’re left scratching your head, wondering, “What the hell does she see in this guy?” He’s rude, obnoxious, insensitive… and sometimes, downright mean.
He has no ambition or goals; or maybe he’s a “leech…” you know, the kind who ends up draining her bank account.
Let’s face it– we’ve all been there. It’s your job (as the good friend that you are) to let her know she is dating a loser.
It’s hard to tell a friend something she doesn’t want to hear, especially when it’s about their significant others. What you’re saying can come across as thoughtless, jealous or even spiteful. How many times have you heard your friend say to you, “you just don’t understand what I have with this guy!”
He’s rude, insensitive and obnoxious. What the hell does she see in this guy?!?
Even though telling her the truth is hard, you still have to. Because you’ll want your friend to tell you the truth too, (when it’s you, who’s stumbling in life in the future ). Keep these tips in mind when confronting your loser-dating-friend:
Start off this awkward talk by letting her know you understand how much she cares for this guy. This will show your friend that you aren’t there to attack her, you are instead, taking her feelings into account. This also demonstrates that you understand that she wants this to be a serious relationship and you’re not taking it lightly.
After establishing that you understand her, try to guide her to understand you as well. Let her know you have something to tell her which is going to be hard. Let her know that you are only telling her this because you are her bestfriend and you want what’s best for her.
Unleash the bomb. Now, I’m not suggesting that you flat out tell her, “Hey! That guy you’re dating is a total loser” (even if it’s true). While this type of statement will definitely get a hard reaction, it isn’t the kind you’re looking for. I’d say something along the lines of, “I have some concerns about you dating this guy…, and just wanted to make sure he is really right for you.”
After you’ve dropped the bomb, try changing roles a little bit. Explain to her how you see her significant other. Maybe you’re concerned that he can’t keep a steady job, or maybe you’ve noticed how she pays for everything, maybe even including rent and other bills.
Or maybe you’ve caught him making rude comments to your friend, or still checking out other girls. In any case, this will give you a chance to really let her know where you’re coming from. Your friend may even enlighten you on some things you’ve overlook. This is your time to tell your friend that she is dating a deadbeat… (but in much nicer terms).
Now that you’ve laid out how you feel toward that “Mr. Perfect,” hopefully her eyes are a little bit more open. It’s important to listen and discuss the topic hand in hand with your friend. Is this something that she’d like to resolve with her partner, or would she like to end, or (hopefully not) keep the relationship?
Either way, offer suggestions and let her know that you’re always there for her, no matter which choice she makes.
Give it time, let it incubate.
You’ve voiced out your opinion. It’s in her head now. It’s likely she won’t do any rash decisions now, but these thoughts will linger in the back of her head for the next days to come. Eventually, her mind will slowly clear up and (hopefully) get enlightened about the contagious disease that is Mr. Right.
It’s always hard to give a friend dating advice that she doesn’t want to hear… and no one wants to hear that she’s dating a loser. Remember to be understanding, keep an open mind, and try not to attack your friend’s taste in men.
Many people feel hesitant when it comes to butting in and telling their friends they are making bad choices, but you will be saving your friend a lot of heartaches in the long run. And even if she’s angry now, you know how the saying goes, “You’ll thank me for this one day.”
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